Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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