Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
