3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
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I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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