I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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