Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
