can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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