We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
