I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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