I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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