so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
