Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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