I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
