I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you