Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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