Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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