I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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