If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
