Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
