so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
