i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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