He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
