wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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