Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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