we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
