Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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