to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
