so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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