the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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