my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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