I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
