Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize