I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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