U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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