I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How does it feel to date your dad?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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