Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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