it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
