I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
