its not stalking. its research.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
