he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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