there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
