dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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