Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
