I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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