Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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