My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
