please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
