Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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