marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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