Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
