Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am midnight drunk by noon
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
