We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize