Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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