Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
