I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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