Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
