She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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