I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
