I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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