My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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