i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
