I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
