dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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