Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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