I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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