New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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