your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
