people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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