then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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