I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
false alarm. still invincible.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
