Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
