Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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