I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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