Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she told me i tasted like america
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
