He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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