shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
