Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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