addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
