Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor