Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook

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(727): View more from Florida

Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.

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(607): View more from New York

Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?

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(+45): View more from Denmark

You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(240): View more from Maryland

To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Relax

(1-740): View more from Ohio

It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.

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