She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Some milfs here doing some blow
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.