Texts From Last Night

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  (786): View more from Florida

  Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.

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  (786): Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative. http://tfl.nu/wo1e
  Replies (12) Good night (2014) Bad night (574)
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  (858): View more from California

  Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.

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  (858): Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show. http://tfl.nu/suqh
  Replies (31) Good night (1397) Bad night (4624)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?

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  (412): Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container? http://tfl.nu/it9b
  Replies (33) Good night (5911) Bad night (1266)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable

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  (773): she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable http://tfl.nu/h8f0
  Replies (17) Good night (6379) Bad night (1259)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...

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  (314): You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out... http://tfl.nu/a1pv
  Replies (7) Good night (6503) Bad night (1047)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.

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  (778): Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper. http://tfl.nu/0up7
  Replies (17) Good night (3941) Bad night (1500)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink

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  (630): Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink http://tfl.nu/oigr
  Replies (19) Good night (3996) Bad night (1082)
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  (714): View more from California

  She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.

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  (714): She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse. http://tfl.nu/v3q7
  Replies (8) Good night (995) Bad night (2121)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.

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  (484): omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers. http://tfl.nu/h63v
  Replies (17) Good night (1038) Bad night (2403)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen

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  (705): I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen http://tfl.nu/714w
  Replies (5) Good night (1075) Bad night (694)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.

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  (573): and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat. http://tfl.nu/xl3m
  Replies (2) Good night (857) Bad night (564)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off

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  (219): he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off http://tfl.nu/kmmo
  Replies (10) Good night (1208) Bad night (366)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?

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  (408): I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win? http://tfl.nu/gfqe
  Replies (12) Good night (720) Bad night (289)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.

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  (317): Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life. http://tfl.nu/xt94
  Replies (1) Good night (754) Bad night (220)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit

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  (610): He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit http://tfl.nu/33or
  Replies (0) Good night (667) Bad night (256)

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