I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs