u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation