I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!