A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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