My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head