somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.