I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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