why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
