i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
